I’ve returned from my trip to help my sister. Fortunately I thought the trip went well and I made a difference. I talked to people I did not know very well and did some other anxiety inducing things that I was able to get through without much trouble. It looks likely I will be returning soon. Perhaps very soon.
Illness, traveling, and babies, oh my. I am concerned about how things will turn out but I am not anxious about it. What happens will happen. I am lucky I have a family that is reliable. Unfortunately this may also eat up a significant amount of time and some of my self improvement projects are on hold.
One of my websites, that I am quite proud of, received email complaints from a user while I was on my previously mentioned trip. I notice I get anxiety from this as people are judging my work. It bothers me for the following reasons.
The complaints almost always come from boomers who seem to have the same weird way of making their complaints known. First, they always assume I am a “team” of people as part of some sort “business”. Second, they really enjoyed using my website for the purposes it is designed for. Unfortunately, something little went wrong and now they are apoplectic and will refuse to ever use my “business” again and will tell everyone in the world it is a terrible “business”. I find the best way to diffuse them is to accommodate them with compliments and efforts to do better. But still, why do I bother? Why does their criticism compel me to drop everything and fix their complaints?
I suppose It’s the same reason I had anxiety at work, why I don’t like people reading my writing, or any other number of things that keep me in a shell of protection. I am afraid that I will work very hard on something and everyone else will think it’s crap. I’m hard on myself for not pleasing literally everyone. Let’s think on how I can re-imagine these thoughts.
I know I’m very smart, I know I can’t please everyone all the time. Some people will have different needs, or don’t know how to use or interpret my work correctly. Instead of focusing on them I should think of the many people who actually do appreciate what I do and think I’m very good at it. I actually do get many emails of people agreeing my websites are very useful. My Facebook page gets likes from random people. And most importantly, I think what I’ve built is damn impressive. It’s useful to receive criticism to get better, and I can take my time in implementing that change.
Through some recent events, it is possible I will soon move back to Chicago, the city I grew up in. I very much look forward to returning. It will be nice to have normal seasons again, even winter. Affordability shouldn’t be a problem on my current budget. I’m on a wait and see pattern now. I also wonder how much I should try to make connections in my current city if I will be leaving soon. Would it be good for practice? Perhaps. I’m leaning towards still giving it the old college try. But we shall see.