Independence

The underlying purpose of this blog is to document my self improvements in 3 key areas: Physical, Financial, and Mental. Because we are in the middle of a pandemic, I figured I would quarantine myself and work unrelentingly on self improvements. I have made great strides the past few months. I aim to to move on from this reclusive cycle in September. I feel that I will be ready by then to put my efforts into real life practice. At which point I will figure out what areas need additional work. This is my self analysis so far.


Physical

In This area I have likely made the most significant gains, although still not as much as I’d hoped. I have been lifting for over 3 months and I definitely have more muscle. I have also never weighed as much as I do right now. The most significant difference is the broadening of my chest. I believe this is the most important goal for weight lifting since a broad chest and narrow waist make clothes look better and is the defining pleasing characteristic in men.


I can definitely keep working out and reach better success, but I think where I am at is a good baseline. In a couple weeks I will switch from bulking to cutting, which I will maintain until September. I have quite a few pounds of fat I need to lose. A lower body fat percentage should also make my face more appealing. I am a little flabby now so a couple months of cutting should hopefully be enough. Already, at certain angles and postures my body is looking a lot better and more masculine.


Financial

This is also an area of good news. Despite being in the middle of a collapse in tourism, my hotel website business is booming. I’m generating enough money from my business to exceed my monthly expenditures. I won’t even need to tap into my ample investing accounts, which is good because even though the stock market is OK now, it could crash at any moment due to the corona.


With this money I am faced with the question of how to spend it. Saving and investing all my extra money is what I do by default and it is difficult to break that habit. However, I think I should invest more in myself by buying a house or condo and traveling. Neither I should do right now because of the virus. So I will save until there is a sufficient housing crash that I can find a good deal, or when the virus can be vaccinated and I can travel again. Both could happen by this winter. I haven’t worked a job in over 4 years and that brings a smile to my face.


Mental

This is the most difficult aspect I have to improve. It is difficult because I am not entirely sure of how to proceed. I’ve made great progress in realizing much of my problems stem from my neurotic traits. Although, what I should do to lessen them isn’t as clear. Simply knowing about it has had an improvement but it’s only gone so far.


One of my ideas is to replace a coping mechanism I’ve had all my life. Whenever I am in a stressful scenario I try to depersonalize. I don’t feel as bad if I don’t show my true self to people. I try to make myself believe that no one else is real, that none of this matters, if I don’t have any stakes I can’t lose. Since I’ve literally been doing this as long as I can remember and it hasn’t in the end improved my anxiety much at all I think a more human approach would be better.


Instead of hiding myself, I would show myself, I would open up myself to criticism. I would embrace feeling. I would no longer see myself as an outsider looking in, but as an integral part of human existence.


Unfortunately this is difficult to do when I’ve been intentionally isolating myself. The only in person conversation I’ve had for months is when I went to get a haircut a couple weeks ago. It went delightfully. I look forward to working more on this when I come out of my chrysalis in September.


Still, during this time I have been incredibly antsy. I can feel my mind is a noisy haze of thoughts. I haven’t meditated much since I haven’t felt any anxiety these days. I believe this is a mistake. I will resume the practice and see if it helps level out my thoughts. I’ve been having a terrible time sleeping due in a large part to my active mind.


I haven’t been more optimistic about my future in a long time. I am changing, gradually, but I am adapting. I can embrace my neuroticism to a degree to help me overcome it; In the same way I utilized it to retire in my 20s. Success is inevitable.